OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
