i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
