I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
