Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
