i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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