Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
