I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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