Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
