I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
