u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just pee around me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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