I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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