Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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