Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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