Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
