remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
