come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
