I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
