I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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