I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
