Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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