Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
