the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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