Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
