You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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