Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
