NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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