shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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