I am puke
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
