We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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