your parents love me but you hate me
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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