In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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