Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize