Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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