I must be too annoying 4 u.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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