It's like God shit irony all over that family
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
