The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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