Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
