Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
