obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
