Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
