ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
