Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize