i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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