I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
