We're like a lot better than the average bears
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He passed out mid-signature
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I am naked and annoyed.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
