Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
