As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
did you just send me my own nude
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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