well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
