he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
