Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
