I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
