Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
