We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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