I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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