My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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