you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
