I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
