I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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