Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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