haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
