She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
