I looked at my own cervix.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
