Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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