i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Do vagina's smell?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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