My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
