"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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