Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
