I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My feet surprised me
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
