So drunk its hurt
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
