what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
