People with herpes should wear stickers.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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