Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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