At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
